Peace

He'll give me PEACE in the midst of the storm! I'm holding onto the promises of one who never fails me! Philippians 4:7-8 admonishes me not to be anxious and as the winds howl outside I'm in bed under my blanket very comfortable. Even as the wind makes me want to cry like a baby I know He is there beside me.

Just wanted to check in with you before my EDGE connection went out on my phone. Keep praying for us here in the Bahamas as Hurricane Irene batters us.

The Diarist
For each moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.

P. S. Short prayer follows below.

Daddy,

I your daughter come before you humbly praying that you will be with my family, friends, & I as we ride out this storm is separate abodes. Daddy please ensure that Your will is done in our lives & that we are protected.

As I come before You I ask You for forgiveness of sin and ask that You in turn help me to forgive others so that I don't end up bitter and lacking of joy! I ask that You would take a coal from your altar and place it upon my unclean lips, my hands, my head my entire body- purify me within & without so that there is nothing between us Daddy!

Daddy, I praise You for being my protector, my sustainer, my father, my Saviour & friend. You alone are worthy of my praise & glory because only You satisfy. You alone have been beside me through it all- even when I thought I was alone. You are the Holy one. There is none like You!

Daddy I thank you for each person you have placed into my life for they have taught me things about myself. I thank You Daddy for always being here for me! I love You so much & know that whatever happens is ordained by You! Thank You Daddy for hearing & answering my prayer in Your son Jesus' mighty & precious name I pray!

Amen
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Wonderfully

Say good about yourself and you'll be called arrogant; say bad about yourself and you'll be believed. - Anonymous

I love the above quote and as I am busy getting my hair braided in hip length braids I wanted to stop in & encourage you to be true to you! You alone know who YOU are- only you can be you! I love when people call me arrogant, a b!+?#, or whatever else because I think highly of myself. All I know is that I am amazing & God made me that way!

Be blessed & remember that God made you special & He loves you very much! Keep Psalm 139:14 in your heart & spirit!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

IMU

Day one of our time apart and I miss you! We will get through this absence stronger & wiser- more in love with each other than ever.

I love you & you love me- distance, seas, lands nor oceans can keep us apart... You my darling are my first love- you have my heart!

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Lover...

Music playing in the background as I think of my lover, my husband, the one true love of my life. Today was an amazing day in Him- we started out together and ended together. Even when I was upset/hurt He was there. He was amazing!
Song: Dance With Me
By: Paul Wilbur
Dance with me
O lover of my soul
To the song of all songs
Romance me
O lover of my soul
To the song of all songs
Behold You have come
Over the hills
Upon the mountains
To me You have run
My beloved
You've captured my heart
With You I will go
You are my love
You are my fair one
Winter is past
And the springtime has come
Dance with me
Dance with me
O lover of my soul
To the song of all songs
Romance me
O Lover of my soul
To the song of all songs

I feel like singing, dancing & crying out to God as I did one time ago. The music is inside me, His love & Word is inside me like a fire shut up in my bones. I remember for years I was a wallflower watching from the sidelines as other Daughters of the King danced with Him. I never felt good enough to sing or dance for Him- I now do. I now know that it isn't about me and my worth or talent- but about my availability.
For the next three weeks I am focusing on finding the joy & true love I had with the Lover of my Soul. It is one of the things on my list and I know the music will aid in achieving this goal. Music just does something for me- I get so lost in it & I get taken away many times. I'm going to ingest as much gospel music as possible so that I can be romanced through the words in the songs as I am with the words in the Bible.
Last night I twirled around my cousin's home excitedly as we sang to this beautiful Praise song. Tonight I lay in bed recalling moments when I danced with Him like this. I remember when I would pray for Him to show me His love & His glory, He would in turn send me beautiful sunrises because He knew I loved them. One morning I was so depressed & asked Him to buoy my Spirits up- He sent an elderly gentleman with a Yellow rose. For a while I had slowed down on the severity of our relationship, but I no longer will hide it- I love Him too much to hide it.
I want to challenge you to challenge your relationship with Him. Instead of a hit & run prayer spend time with Him. Start with 15 minutes and you'll be surprised how easy it would be to stay with Him longer. Our Lover wants to romance us, dance with us & make us feel His love. Take the challenge & get to know Him better!
As I leave happily praising, praying & thanking Him for His love- I pray that you keep Psalm 34:1-8 in your Heart & Spirit!
The Dancing (No longer a Wallflower) Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Storyteller

I got such exciting news- I got casted as a storyteller in the play 'Dis We Tings' in October. My first role in a major play and I am going to tell a Caribbean Folktale that I remember my mom told me as a child.

Wish me luck as I practice my singing & my story telling. Hopefully you can catch my play in the fall. Be blessed!

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on!
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Words...

STOP!

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say to me (or about me) can & will be used for or against you in or on my blog. If you are a hater it will continue to be inside of you because my beauty is something you will never understand. I will not stop succeeding because I'm happy and God has truly blessed me. So get back & be quiet!

The above may become my new disclaimer when dealing with some persons who have let this very small blogger stomp on a few of their corns. (I wonder what will happen when I publish my memoirs?) Its funny how someone who doesn't come from a 'regular' family has such a way with words. In fact for someone very ordinary I seem to have a way of stirring up the nest.

*These words are my own> from my heart...* Natasha Bedingfield

I realized as of late that if no one else would be true to me & my words it would have to be me. Unless otherwise stated I- Natasha Rufin pledge to speak/write words I can & will stand behind. Too often people expect you to defer your opinion to someone older as a sign of respect. That is not respect- that is platitude. I will not placate anyone by being seen & not heard.

I also realized that people can read what you write and it goes completely over them. They take things you may wonder about to be actual beliefs, they read to find a hole so they can break your walls down- while never answering the questions that you pose. But why didn't I remember that Christ said that this would happen?

I often 'wonder' (again here I go with my perusals) to myself:
- Why do some persons think that to be respectful is to not question their authority? God allows us to reason with Him (Isaiah 1:18); and many persons in the Bible have questioned Him or asked for a sign.
- Do they know me? Which the answer is always no. They don't know me, they only see photos, see blog posts and hear about the things I've gone through. They don't know what has and will continue to make me tick.
- Am I respected? This I'm not sure of but then again does it matter if I am? Are the persons who disrespected me going to be played closely in my life? Have I allowed such persons to play closely in my life before?

In high school (and school in general) I was extremely shy about making new friends. The only place I tried not to be shy in school was in the classroom & especially in my option classes where I was the only girl (the smurfette so to speak). This equated to the girls in my homeroom that I was stuck-up & snobby. I didn't get it because I was always so helpful with them, I tried to talk when I could- but mostly I think it was my standards & refusal to do what they wanted me to do (and what they did) that made me a snob.

I feel like it is the same today as it was in high school. I am not going to change who I am to make another person/persons happy. I'm not going to call off my engagement, I'm not going to leave my faith or church, I am not going to sit quietly as I am called hurtful things, & I'm not going to stop writing about what I go through. I know now why I am the Natasha that I am as I did then. It was not to make others happy in my defeat- but God happy in my victories!

As I leave you today I hope that you are blessed! Keep Matthew 10:16-42, 21:42 & II Timothy 3:16&17 in your heart & Spirit as you meditate! Have a wonderful Sabbath!

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Engaged!!!

One of my best friends announced the other day that she is engaged and I am so excited for her. I am happy for this new phase of her life. Being engaged is crazy but I wouldn't trade it for nothing. I love knowing that my man loves me enough that he wants to be committed to me (no matter how crazy, neurotic and peppy I am). Both our fiancés feel like we are good things. (Proverbs 18:22)
Don't get me wrong- being engaged is NO piece of cake. We have had to change our wedding date due to internal & external factors, one family is 'interesting' (to say the least) as it relates to our relationship, we are both currently unemployed & about to go back to school, but I know we will be married. I have faith in us- if I hadn't I wouldn't have said yes.
Engagement puts many thoughts in the minds of those in and around your life, no matter who you are there is excitement, fear, envy and even sadness at the thought forgetting that for everything there is a time for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1). The planning of a wedding has been 'thought' to be the happiest moment of life for a woman- but it isn't always. For me I was happier @ times planning my birthday celebrations.
I have been helping my cousin with her wedding (designing invitations, programs and other items) and I have seen bridesmaids drop out (me being one of them), fights with future in-laws & with the future spouse. It is not for the faint hearted- I feel like honestly, getting eloped is quieter, cheaper & less nerve wrecking.
As a future bride I have had my say yes to the dress moment (trying on dream gowns with my aunts), I've budgeted to the 't' what I wanted but honestly the wedding isn't the biggest day of our lives. Working on us as a couple & individually in marriage will be much more important. I feel like if people spent as much time planning for the actually marriage (with counseling, research & prayer) as much as they did for the wedding day they would be less likely to spend an insane amount keeping up with the Jones' wedding day and not lasting five years.
Engagement isn't something that should be entered in lightly as marriage is one of the things Adam & Eve got to bring out of the Garden of Eden. Not everyone will get married & stay married (even as I may want them to.) So as my bestie celebrates & I celebrate with her I hope that you are encouraged and keep us in your prayers. Keep Ecclesiastes 3:11 & I Corinthians 13 in your heart & spirit!
The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Waste...

I went swimming today with my fiancé, I had an amazing time practicing my freestyle & breaststrokes. I never got a chance to learn as a child (even though both my parents are extremely strong swimmers) so he is building on the foundation laid by my Pathfinder beginners swimming honor. As I swam today it is one of things I wanted to learn/ re-learn.

I wrote out a list last month with the help of Will of things I wanted to learn or get better at. I gave myself a year to work on it so that on my next birthday I could see how much I grew. Because William wanted to keep up with me he will also be doing a lot of the things alongside myself.

I know that I could have easily said that I was too old to learn how to swim but I'm trying anyhow. For me it is never too late to do anything. We are given one life to live & I want to open myself to new experiences (within limits) and find out what makes me truly tick in the process.

I find that as you learn new things you will see yourself grow & become wiser. I want to gain wisdom & knowledge daily, for me to accomplish that I need to open myself to computers (Linux, Mac & Windows), swimming, acting and other areas of interest.

With the thought of learning all of these new things I wonder at times if God is pleased. I read Matthew 25:14-30 where Christ spoke about the parable of the talents. The master gave each servant various talents- just like Christ has given us. Each servant used their talents differently- I want to use my talents like the wise servants, creating an increase for my Heavenly Father. The only way to create an increase is to try new things.

A lot of times we box ourselves in & don't allow ourselves to blossom & grow as individuals. The mind is a terrible thing to waste & not learning something new daily is a waste. Search for wisdom & knowledge daily in the new things you try. I find that everything around us has a lesson about ourselves, our motives, our personal relationships with God. With this in mind I want to try new things to seek new things within myself. How do I know what I can do if I don't try?

Tonight as I head to bed I admonish you not to waste your brain with excuses- learn something new/ try something new. Don't let your mind & talents go to waste. You maybe surprised at how much you grow!

Until next time please keep Proverbs 2:3-6; & Matthew 7:7-8.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.

P.S. Someday soon I will share my list with you & monthly I will try to explain & give an update on how it is all going.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.