Blue...

As he listened to the music of Senses Fail he was inspired to let the words below flow. Mr. William Dean is an amazing young man, a very sweet, talented & true gentleman. He loves God, music, swimming, drawing & being with the persons he loves playing games/talking. It is with great pleasure that my first guest author is none other than my fiance- Will!

Girl in Blue Dress...
By:
William Dean

I sit on this park bench watching.
watching her dance in her pale blue dress.
dancing barefoot to the song of her mind.
her cigarette leaving a thin smoke trail in air.
adding an ethereal effect to her performance.
it's three in he morning.
our respective cells vibrating nigh uncontrollably with calls from our folks.
i don't care.
the only thing that matters is your enticing dance.
the world could end right now, but
i wouldn't care.
Your dance is all that matters.

i at times wonder why you have such a need to dance.
i asked you why.
Why such a need to dance with the
cool and windy nights as your backdrop?
why dance until you collapse?
you looked at me and replied with tears slowly cascading down; "because it eases the pain of my heart.
it hurts so much and i don't why."
you then collapsed in my arms and cried yourself to sleep.

from that day on, i let you dance. dance to ease the mysterious pain. each dance never same except the ending.
each dance ends with a faint smile on your face.
it's now 4.
i see you finally gently collapse on the damp park grass.
i put out your fallen cigarette, knelt down, and then brushed the hair slowly from face to see your smile.
it brings joy to my heart.
this ritual that you have created that eases the pain of your heart.
i then pick you up bridal style to make a our trek home.
We shall be back here soon...


June 27th, 2011
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Excited

I'm so excited about how great my twist-hawk came out today. My hair is growing like a weed! In about a year I hope to be below bra strap length and very healthy.

I felt really pretty today with my hairstyle. Tomorrow I am wearing it in a similar style because I am going on air live discussing my life as a child of Haitian parents in this country. I don't know fully what I will discuss but I am also excited about that.

Today was an amazing day! YAY! Keep 2 Corinthians 10 in your heart & Spirit!

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Citizenship

Yesterday was a great day for my family. Another family member received her Bahamian Citizenship after years of being turned around. With this she can now do the things she wants to do with her life.

This new phase made me think of how many take things like this for granted the same way they take the Heavenly Citizenship for granted. Unlike this world where you are just given the citizenship of your parents, in God's home for us He has no grandchildren.

Your parents' measure of Spiritual outpouring is not transferable to you. (There is no respect of persons with God.- Romans 2:11) You have to do like my cousin did for her earthly citizenship apply for it at an age of understanding. The good thing is that you won't have to spend money or fill any forms out. All you have to do is ask our Heavenly Father and you receive it.

After you receive His free gift of eternal citizenship you will learn that like every country you are a citizen of there are things you need to do & don't do to be a good citizen. I hope you have a Blessed Sabbath & that you Grow in His love & grace! Keep Matthew 25:31-46

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Amazing...

I got an amazing compliment today whilst talking to my adopted aunts. They told me that I astounded them by the depth of knowledge & passion I had for areas that even they didn't have. They made me feel like I was intelligent, like I was talented, that I was an amazing person.

My adopted aunts Marie & Michelle made me feel like I was accepted for who I was & what made me Natasha. I am encouraged after that to share how many good things there are in my life. The more I think happy thoughts- the less stressed I will be.

Be blessed & keep Psalm 42 in your heart & Spirit!

The Diarist
All moments are meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Dancing...

Dancing
By:
Natasha Rufin


I want to dance
Like I've never danced
I want to twirl like a beautiful gazelle
I want to leap like the jaguars on the plains
I want to preen like a flamingo
I want to open my heart to the music
Let out the hurt
Release it from every atom
Every aspect of my being
Until I am free
I am dancing...
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Email

She lay in her bed as her body raged a war within itself over whether it was time to sleep. She needed just a few more moments to post this entry & that is what she did- through her blackberry & email posting she was able to write these few lines. What do u think?

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Tow...

"I see you had your tow behind you on Monday."
"Isn't it a good thing you had put off getting married?"
"You spend too much time with her- you need to spend more time at home."
"You have only experienced chocolate cake so far, you need to try out other flavors & types before you settle down and get married."

These are all statements made by my 'future' in-laws. My fiance is going through some stuff right now- & in typical fashion his family had a lot to say about what he should do with his life & our relationship. Honestly, at times all I want is to run away to another country meet someone (hopefully an orphan), and start from scratch. I feel like the words and the mean voices of his family make me doubt who I am. If I listened to them I would be a gold-digging user who was out to trap him into marriage.

I dislike that he was told to try other flavors. That is redundant- if I go to an ice cream parlour and find that vanilla is my favorite flavor- why must I continue to try other flavors? Ten flavors from now I will still want vanilla- if I find what I want earlier than someone else why should I suffer & possibly miss out on what I really want?

I am not who they say I am. I am not gold-digging (if I was I would be so far from here married to the doctor who had wanted to marry me), I am not a user, I have never been anyone's 'tow'. At times when I think of the words they say about me I get depressed- other times very angry. I have never cheated on him, I don't cause any trouble, I don't sass/back talk, but I am sure if I had back talked they would leave me & my name alone.

Some days I wonder if it would get better after our wedding? Will they finally accept me? Or have their words shown me that they have yet to accept me? Is it all worth it? Will I have to deal with this for the rest of my life? What would these people say to my children (if I even have children into this madness)?

I also wonder if their words don't stem from the issue that they are (even though they would disagree) xenophobic & my Haitian culture is an insult to them/makes them uncomfortable? I wonder if they feel like I am only with William so that I can get 'acceptability' in this messed up country I live in. I don't care about being accepted by Bahamians (the true-true ones) anymore. All I want with my fiance is his love & support- which I receive already. We love being with each other & we are neither persons 'tow'/burden.

I just needed to vent today so I am rambling- I don't even know how to find a scripture text for all of this. But until next time be blessed & pray for me!

The Diarist

For every moment was meant to be taken in & reflected upon...

Growth...

My hair is  growing- yay!!! I am so happy and I can see it daily. Just letting you see the length because my fro doesn't show nothing. Look at my hand- it is like almost three shades lighter than my face- does anyone know how I can fix this- outside of moving to another country? Anyway be blessed blog readers!

Happy Sabbath!