Tow...

"I see you had your tow behind you on Monday."
"Isn't it a good thing you had put off getting married?"
"You spend too much time with her- you need to spend more time at home."
"You have only experienced chocolate cake so far, you need to try out other flavors & types before you settle down and get married."

These are all statements made by my 'future' in-laws. My fiance is going through some stuff right now- & in typical fashion his family had a lot to say about what he should do with his life & our relationship. Honestly, at times all I want is to run away to another country meet someone (hopefully an orphan), and start from scratch. I feel like the words and the mean voices of his family make me doubt who I am. If I listened to them I would be a gold-digging user who was out to trap him into marriage.

I dislike that he was told to try other flavors. That is redundant- if I go to an ice cream parlour and find that vanilla is my favorite flavor- why must I continue to try other flavors? Ten flavors from now I will still want vanilla- if I find what I want earlier than someone else why should I suffer & possibly miss out on what I really want?

I am not who they say I am. I am not gold-digging (if I was I would be so far from here married to the doctor who had wanted to marry me), I am not a user, I have never been anyone's 'tow'. At times when I think of the words they say about me I get depressed- other times very angry. I have never cheated on him, I don't cause any trouble, I don't sass/back talk, but I am sure if I had back talked they would leave me & my name alone.

Some days I wonder if it would get better after our wedding? Will they finally accept me? Or have their words shown me that they have yet to accept me? Is it all worth it? Will I have to deal with this for the rest of my life? What would these people say to my children (if I even have children into this madness)?

I also wonder if their words don't stem from the issue that they are (even though they would disagree) xenophobic & my Haitian culture is an insult to them/makes them uncomfortable? I wonder if they feel like I am only with William so that I can get 'acceptability' in this messed up country I live in. I don't care about being accepted by Bahamians (the true-true ones) anymore. All I want with my fiance is his love & support- which I receive already. We love being with each other & we are neither persons 'tow'/burden.

I just needed to vent today so I am rambling- I don't even know how to find a scripture text for all of this. But until next time be blessed & pray for me!

The Diarist

For every moment was meant to be taken in & reflected upon...