Rainbow...

It has been just about two weeks since I took the above photo. I was in my backyard chatting with my cousin Joanna about life & we saw the rainbow. I went crazy as usual because anytime I see a rainbow I think of how God's Promises are real and eternal.

For the past few days I've been depressed as my cousin Joanna passed away on Monday. I've been yo-yoing through the phases of grief since she passed. Its hard as I took her to be like a sister and her death was not really expected. I find myself crying at the least expected times.

The only way I have been able to forget has been to immerse myself in work & school. Walking around my house has been hard as I keep finding things she left here. Even the photo of the rainbow has made me cry at times knowing she was with me that day. How do you get past the death of someone you held near to you?

When my uncle passed it took about three months for me to not cry at the thought of his death. With Joanna I think it maybe a little while longer. But I know that God promises to wipe away every tear from my eyes someday, that He keeps a bottle for my tears, that He will strengthen and encourage me.

As I leave today- I ask that you pray for & with me as I go through this phase. Remember that He alone knows the plans He has for us- it promises to be filled with hope. I'm looking at each rainbow with hope. Keep Psalm 32:8 in your heart & Spirit.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Death...

Some of you by now should know that my uncle passed away suddenly yesterday. I have yet to find out what really happened in the events surrounding his death at work. All I know is that today I am left with a chest full of pain as I come to grips with the reality of his death.

It is unfair to me how a man who is so good and so nice to all he met could die like that. A fall or explosion that caused the fall. I want to beat at my chest and cry because the pain I feel is too great for words. I can't believe that I wont see him ever again- I wont be able to hug him & tell him what is going on in my life lately. Every time I saw him he encouraged me to continue striving- it is because of him I was able to talk to my mom about dating at sixteen. His death leaves me here feeling cold & alone.

I know that I am not alone but I don't know who I can talk to about how I fully feel. My fiance wants me to open up to him more but I don't know how to fully explain how I feel. I can't really even open up in this form at the moment. Maybe in a few days, weeks, months or years I'll be able to express it- but for now thanks for listening to my minor ramblings...

Nat