What is next

 It has been a very long time since I wrote an entry in this form. I have some very life changing plans for the next 6 months and I will be using this platform as opposed to Social Media to work through them with writing. 

Since the last time I wrote, a lot has changed. I have seen God open some serious windows: I was able to start and complete my BSc in Nursing degree, hired in my dream profession, added a daughter making me a mom of 2 wonderful children. Life on the outside looks perfect. My friendships have been enriched, I have accomplished many goals and I am actively chasing new ones. What is next?

What is next is a journey that will make me a woman after Gods own heart, a journey that will ravage me at times, a journey that will make me stronger. 

So, as I begin this journey, I invite you to pray with me and open your heart to newness. 

Until next time keep 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 in your heart and Spirit!

~ The Praying Diarist

Window

One of my favorite quotes from my favorite movie "The Sound of Music" says that when the doors are shut somewhere God opens a window. I'm praying for a window to be open today in my life. Its frustrating to know that there are dreams you have that you are waiting to achieve but the doors are closed. Thank God he opens windows. Today I am claiming that window because there is nothing my God cannot do!

Be blessed and encouraged!

Day by day

Every day is a new day to strive for change to form a new habit. Not the easiest thing but it is possible. Day by day as I exercise I get stronger and better. Just how I can work on physical fitness it is the same with a personal walk with Christ. Being a Christian isn't easy but working day by day puts you closer to where He wants to place you.

Challenge yourself to be better. No one else can do it for you. Start with yourself.

Until next time keep Philippians 4 in your heart and spirit.

The Diarist
For every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.

Stumbling

One day you sit down and realize that you have let go of the light of Faith and allowed the darkness of fear to rule your life. Instead of soaring like an eagle you are trapped in your nest afraid to fly even though where you are now isn't comfortable. How did you get from walking confidently towards your God ordained destiny and stumbling around in the dark?

Fear - False Evidence Appearing Real
Faith - the substance of things hope for, the evidence of things unseen (Hebrews 11:1)

When you live a life of fear everything that can go wrong does because it is all that you see. Faith filled living looks towards the good. When you speak good that is what you get.

I have been stumbling for what feels like years through life. My confidence in myself and my dreams had dwindled and snuffed out. The embodiment of spring that was my optimism was gone. I could no longer believe in the unseen. I believed in God but not really in His promises. I was still a Christian but a poor one at that.

It's hard living like this. It brings on a spirit of depression that only fully reaffirming your faith can heal. It took a long time after realizing what was happening to even believe truthfully in me again. I didn't realize that the God I believed in loved me enough to help me out of this mess.

2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that we are to live in love not fear. Living in love means living in faith. I am just truly coming to see how it works. It means not letting anyone or anything that is not of God to speak into your life. This can be truly hard as we live in a negative world.

Until next time keep 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 KJV

(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)  Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

The Diarist
For every moment was meant to be taken in and reflected upon...

My Story, My Dreams, My Thanks!

Everyone has a story. In each story there are protagonists, and antagonists- and in every story are the background characters who would be the friends or alliances of the main characters. Friendships can make or break you. My story is filled with friends and acquaintances who have taught me so much about myself and who I am. I know that it is all because of God. 

And friends are friends forever

If the Lord's the Lord of them

And a friend will not say never

'Cause the welcome will not end

 

My story is one of a girl who is too logical to be a dreamer but in her deepest recesses she is one and dearly wants to be released. Through her friendships she is learning and has learned that dreams are real and they can and will come true. My friends have taught me so much. I look at our lives and realize we are growing in our destinies. I realize that my deepest fears were just that. You can fall in love, get married, get 'fat', and be your worst self- yet still have a man who loves even the smallest part of you. You can go through an all out war due to some serious misunderstandings where all sides disrespect each other and end up having a close relationship with in-laws that rival and at times surpass the ones you have with your family. (Sorry Mrs. T for hurting you. I do love you and look to you like a mom!)

My friends have inspired me to work at my dreams. I have a dream of someday writing and publishing my own novel. I'm working on that dream now. One of my dreams is to learn how to sew. My dream project is the picture of the yellow dress below but for now I am working on a simple yet elegant two piece for an upcoming wedding. My friend Olivia is teaching me how to sew. I am working hard at emptying myself of my dreams so I can start new ones.

To my friends, my family and my in-laws- I thank God for you. You inspire me to be more and do more. I know I can do it all because of you! Keep Ecclesiastes 4:12 in your hearts and spirits.

"A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." [Ecclesiastes 4:12. NLT]

~The Diarist~

Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.

Update (Of sorts)

Hello bloggers everywhere! Keep Praying, keep hoping keep believing!

That's all I want to say. It's been a long time and a lot has happened- will come to update you soon! Keep in your hearts and spirits Matthew 5.

~ The Diarist

Natasha

Apple

Pick up an apple and ask practically any child in the Bahamas (over the age of 3) what it is and they can identify it. It has been so deeply ingrained what an apple looks like that we all can imagine an apple whilst reading this (event without the picture).

I was just thinking today how someday I want my name (Natasha Rufin) to be just as identifiable in the literary world at large. When you hear Rufin you think of me. How can I achieve this? Not hiding my talent (as I am oft times prone to doing). Just had to pop in to remind you not to hide your talents or your individuality. Find your identity- like the apple.

Keep Luke 11:33 in your heart & Spirit.

The Diarist

Personality

I'm growing a new personality. (He that hath ear let him hear...) Its not at all easy for me. I feel like I'm changing so much daily that my husband & I at times don't know what to expect next to happen to me. I've lost at least thirty pounds (which is ok) & I've been eating a lot more health as I've cut out the fast food & lots of junk.

Why am I doing all of this now? I truly can't answer that right now. Why wait until I'm married to begin this process? I think its all apart of me becoming one with my husband. Creating a cohesive unit that will not be broken.

Another aspect of this change that has taken time for me has been having to change my name. For the first time on Wednesday I had to fill out an application form & tick married. It was kinda weird as I am so accustomed to the single box. For now my name is hyphened but on our anniversary I'm dropping my maiden name (which is hard for me to think of doing). I've started practicing my new signature for the purpose of all the forms I have to fill out and stuff but I miss my 'NR' initials. I even had a pretty Rose that went under my name. Its a lot of changes for me to accept in what feels like so little time.

Change I have come to realize is not always bad- it can be good in so many ways. I'm allowing myself to become the woman God created me to be in this time of change. I never thought it would all go down like this- but now I realize as- I daily write my goals, as I open my heart to God's leading, as I share more- that everything happens at a certain time in all of our lives. This is my time! I'm claiming it & looking forward to all of the newness that comes with it!

Keep Ecclesiastes 3:11 in your heart & spirit today!

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.

Filled

Psalm 16:2, 5, 8

I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing”…

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure…

I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

My mantra for 2012 is that: “Life is FILLED with GOOD things!” I am assured of this through Christ. He is my good thing- my wonderful portion. But He has given me so many good things that I have taken for granted. I want to change the paradigm with my blog this year- it is no longer about just what I am going through- but about the good things God has blessed me with. No longer am I focusing on the giants in my life- I am now focusing on the God who has equipped me.

I am so happy- but even in my happiness there is sadness (as to be expected), and I am using my God focus to keep me floating through this. Someday I will look back at the tapestry of my life and understand how it all came together. 

This is also my year of newness- it is so much new life blossoming around me I can go on endlessly about it. I want to dance ridiculously and scream about it from the roof tops- but in time everything will be revealed. (Yes I am being cryptic again- but I have to be for now.) Until next time I hope you are blessed and that you continue looking for the good things in your life.

The Diarist

Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.

Ridiculously...

It is the end of another year- and I am in awe of the amazing things God has done for me. I have completed my course with A's, I'm blessed beyond measure in my relationship, and got one very big surprise the other day. I want to spill all the beans but can't for another few weeks.

Today my readers- I am RIDICULOUSLY blessed!

Until the next time keep Job 8:21 in your heart & Spirit.

The Diarist

Today

 How do I get back there?

Today I stand here feeling unsure of where I am

Even when I tried to run away you found me.

Kept calling my name

I knew too much of what joy

Could be found in You to ever truly leave,

Here I stand- I want to move on with you 

But I am a broken vessel, 

I am dirty, I need to be cleansed.

I keep forgetting that with you there are no 'buts'

I don't know how You will turn my mess into Your glory

Why You would bless me with new life

Why would You be good to me who has not loved You properly?

Why today?

This morning all I am feeding my spirit is wonderful Christian music and it has made me think of the state that my own walk with Christ is at. There are a LOT of changes going on in my life- and this weekend was hard as it made two months since my cousin Joanna died. In every cloud in my life there has been a silver lining. Whenever I lost someone God would open the door for new connections. Today I thank Him for new connections and the blessings found in old ones.


Today there is so much I want to say- but so much that I cannot say, so I will prudently leave it here. Until the next time keep Jeremiah 29:11 in your heart & spirit.

The Diarist
For every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.

Nights

For the next few weeks night shifts are happening for my PCT course and as time goes by I realize that I miss the time I would spend with my fiancé. It is a hard fight to sit up each night and head into my internship. Especially nights like tonight when we only spent 30 minutes together due to his classes.

Until life is better and I don't have to work as hard we will have to get use to it I guess. I'm going to stay positive so that I don't get discouraged.

Be blessed and keep II Timothy 1:7 in your heart & Spirit.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.

Excitement

My excitement cannot be contained as I pull out my uniforms, shine my shoes, and figure out how I will wear my hair. Today is my last free Sunday for about 4 weeks. Tomorrow night I start my internship as a Patient Care Technician. I'm nervous because I don't want to mess up, but excited that this is the final hurdle for this step in my life's plan.

For me, this next month will be hard as many nights I won't be able to sleep or I will be running on two hours worth of sleep. But I will get through it and celebrate with a well deserved trip to a wonderful destination sometime next year. I'm very blessed today- no matter what people may say or try & tell me.

Just stopping by to catch up. Until next time Matthew 5 for you!

The Diarist,
Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.

Tre Chic...

I got my sister to work some sewing magic & now I have a wonderful style that matches so well with my natural hair that you can't really tell its not mine. lol. This is my protective style for this month and I am so excited about it.

Just takes a little thing to become inspired again. I'm also so excited about getting my hair colored when it come out. What color do you think I should color it? I'm thinking a pretty spicy like amber/red.

Until next time be blessed & stay inspired! Keep James 1:4 in your heart and Spirit.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.

Uninspired

As of late I have been kind of uninspired with my hair. It has gotten to that really funny phase- the medium yet still short length. It is too long for older styles but too short to do what I want to do.

What should I do? I sat down and I'm trying out a twist out hair style and I pray it comes out as nice as I want it to. It has been almost a year post bc & I have learned a lot about my hair. I truly love my hair but sometimes I miss it being straight. It is because of this that I am also contemplating a Brazilian blowout- hopefully it acts just the way it should.

Well people- I gotta run, until next time I pray you keep Habakkuk 2:2-4 in your heart & spirit. Write your vision & live righteously.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.

Rainbow...

It has been just about two weeks since I took the above photo. I was in my backyard chatting with my cousin Joanna about life & we saw the rainbow. I went crazy as usual because anytime I see a rainbow I think of how God's Promises are real and eternal.

For the past few days I've been depressed as my cousin Joanna passed away on Monday. I've been yo-yoing through the phases of grief since she passed. Its hard as I took her to be like a sister and her death was not really expected. I find myself crying at the least expected times.

The only way I have been able to forget has been to immerse myself in work & school. Walking around my house has been hard as I keep finding things she left here. Even the photo of the rainbow has made me cry at times knowing she was with me that day. How do you get past the death of someone you held near to you?

When my uncle passed it took about three months for me to not cry at the thought of his death. With Joanna I think it maybe a little while longer. But I know that God promises to wipe away every tear from my eyes someday, that He keeps a bottle for my tears, that He will strengthen and encourage me.

As I leave today- I ask that you pray for & with me as I go through this phase. Remember that He alone knows the plans He has for us- it promises to be filled with hope. I'm looking at each rainbow with hope. Keep Psalm 32:8 in your heart & Spirit.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Good

"For I know the plans I have for Natasha," says the Lord. "They are plans for GOOD and not for disaster, to give her a future and a Hope."

*I have this hope that burns within my heart...*

One by one He is truly answering my prayers! He is giving me a Hope and good things. When you are truly walking in favor- good things happen because God wants to give you great things!

Feeling so ridiculously blessed that I am crying.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in and reflected on.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Promises...

At this moment I am so scared. Just something I go through every so often. Where my fears & doubts assail me to a point where all I want to do is cry & curl up into a protective shell. What do I do when I'm like this?

I pray & plead God's promises back to Him. His word will not return to Him void & His word is higher than His name. God is the only one to Trust in times like this.

As I leave remember to keep Jeremiah 29:11-14 in your heart & spirit. Its a wonderful promise for us to keep with us daily.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Path...

"Stop looking back the path you've already walked. Look forward and stay positive, the future is much more exciting!" @ihatequotes

I started my course as a Patient Care Technician Course today. I am so excited at the knowledge I have received so far. In a few short months I will be one step closer to where I need to be.

Just stopping in to praise God & share with you how happy I am.

The Diarist
Every moment is meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.

Wish...

Saturday was my cousin's wedding & it was amazing! I am so happy that today I can say that she is Mrs. Yolna Louissaint. Her husband truly spoils her & shows her that he loves her. She deserves every happiness!

I thoroughly enjoyed the wedding & cannot wait for some nieces & nephews! To the newlyweds I wish a long & blessed life together! Keep Ephesians 5:21-33 in your heart & spirit.

The Diarist
For every moment was meant to be taken in & reflected on.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device available from BTC.